December 31, 2019
In this article, I share the valuable lessons I learned in 2019. It's a reflection on personal growth, understanding love, and embracing perseverance.
2019 was a year I’ll remember for the rest of my life. It’s a year that will make me smile whenever I think of it.
I went through many experiences that year, from dropping out of college, losing my self-confidence, almost every day hurting the people I love, to finally finding myself and becoming the person I was meant to be. If I were to write down every detail of this journey, it would never end.
In this post, I want to share the meanings, lessons, and hidden messages I gained from my experiences in 2019.
Know yourself before trying to understand others, or at the very least, be honest with your own feelings.
When I first told my family I wanted to drop out of college, you can imagine their reaction: "Drop out? What’s next?", "Your siblings all graduated, you’re the youngest; you should be the one with the highest education", "Why drop out? Are you planning to work? Who will provide for you?". Of course, most of my family disagreed. I stayed silent, unable to convince them because at that time, I was unsure myself.
By the end of the second semester, I realized I had to believe in myself first before convincing my family. After months of reflection, I was ready.
"I want to drop out, I’m tired. I’ve spent 18 years doing what I was told, staying in my comfort zone. I don’t know what it feels like to be lost because of my own choices, and I’ve never been able to make my own decisions. It’s pointless to continue college if I’m not invested in it, if I’m not gaining anything from it. My decision is final. I won’t change my mind."
"What will you do then?"
"I don’t know yet, but I trust in myself and my abilities."
"Alright."
What others want to see is confidence in your decisions. The way you express it, your conviction, is enough for them. They will feel relieved because you are confident and taking responsibility for your own life. This was when I realized what it means to be mature: knowing yourself is the first step before you can connect with others.
"Are you worthy of the body that once was pure and clean? Look in the mirror and ask yourself that. Make yourself worthy: for you."
Love someone, but don’t expect them to love you back in the same way. Sometimes, loving and admiring someone in silence is enough.
So many people out there share stories about their love lives: "I was dumped after two years of dating, even though I did everything for them."
You know what? I think people like that misunderstand love. Who are you to demand that someone should be with you? Is it necessary for them to return everything you’ve done for them? If you're not acting out of genuine love, but with expectations, that’s not true love. Love isn’t that narrow. You might have given everything, but that doesn’t mean your love was tainted by these expectations.
Let me make it clearer: You don't need anything in return from the person you love. Loving them is enough. Helping them and covering their flaws because you care is enough. What do you gain? A sense of peace knowing you've been there for them. Look at your parents: do they ever expect anything in return for their love? Love is about giving, not taking.
There’s no such thing as a "love slave." Stop using that term, because it makes people afraid to love or misunderstand the true essence of love.
"If you’ve truly learned to love yourself, start loving others."
In 2019, I realized that every person has their own unique strengths. Everyone has their own value.
In high school, I was once given the responsibility to lead a student organization. I failed miserably because I never trusted my team members. I ended up doing everything myself, from drafting to finalizing proposals.
Looking back, I felt so disappointed in myself. I realized I had failed not only my team but also myself by not trusting others.
"Those who believe they are superior to others are not truly human."
Thanks to that painful experience, I learned not to waste the potential of others. Now, I see every person as a unique gem.
Moreover, the way you treat and respect others reflects your level of maturity.
"Become wise and useful to those around you." ~ Saudade - Kunto Aji
I apologize, my friends. I will work hard to make up for my past mistakes.
Don’t fear failure, don’t fear pain. These are the things that teach you the most. If you’re still failing, it means you’re still growing.
Fear the comfort zone. Fear a life with no challenges. Life is short: try everything that comes to mind.
Take the example of termites. If they choose to evolve, they must find a mate or die. But why do they keep evolving? Because they want to see the world, even if it’s just for a short time, even if it costs them their lives.
I feel stronger now than I did before. I’m no longer afraid of failure. I try to take a positive meaning from every situation. I face every hardship with a smile and a calm mind. By the way, try meditation if you have time. I do it for 10 minutes every morning.
The World: "Let me punch you in the face."
We have two options:
"That hurts. I’m done." or "Do whatever you want. I won’t give up because of that."
Convince yourself that you can overcome anything. It’s okay to take a break when you're tired. It’s okay to cry when your heart aches. But never give up. Stand firm, even when no one supports you. When it feels like the whole world is against you, you’re getting closer to the true meaning of life. Keep moving forward.
"The true meaning of not running away is planting your feet firmly and doing the best you can with what you have." – HH
One thing I want to say: thank you for fighting.
Enjoy everything that’s in front of you, no matter what it is. You may worry because you haven’t found your true calling or talent. Don’t worry. I take this advice from Tim Minchin.
"You don’t have to have a dream. If it’s big enough, it’ll take your whole life to achieve, so by the time you get to it, you’ll be staring into the abyss."
You don’t need to have a talent for basketball to play basketball. You don’t need a natural singing ability to sing.
Just do whatever you want. Don’t feel small because you don’t have a talent or a big dream. If you don’t have a talent, that’s great! It means you can learn anything without being limited by "talent."
"The past makes you want to die out of regret, and the future makes you depressed out of anxiety. So by elimination, the present is likely the happiest time." – HH
There’s no better medicine than gratitude.
Meditation doesn’t always require closing your eyes. Climb a mountain or go up to the roof of your house. Look around and understand the meaning behind every breath you take. Be grateful because you can still enjoy the beauty of life.
Be thankful for even the worst things. Try this before bed: imagine the worst possible thing happening to you. Can you still be grateful if that happens?
I’m not a religious expert, but here’s my tip for gratitude.
In my prayers, I never ask for specific things. I just say, "God, give me what’s best for me." With this prayer, I can see every event in my life as the best thing that could have happened. Afterward, I search for the lesson in each experience and feel grateful.
Because of this prayer, I stopped expecting everything to go my way. I also follow Stoic philosophy, which teaches that no matter how negative an event is, a wise person will see it as part of the greater plan.
Are you an atheist? Let me tell you, just knowing there’s a higher power behind all this should be enough to make you grateful. At least be agnostic. I think atheism is a mindset where one believes they don’t need "something" to rely on, or maybe you’re rejecting a truth that exists within you. These are just my thoughts. You are free to choose your path.
My friends, life is the greatest gift you’ve ever received. Keep learning, and find the meaning in every experience.
Actually, I love discussing topics like this. So if you have any lessons or messages you’ve learned from your story, I’d love for you to share them. Because your story and mine are certainly different.
"We all are human, aren’t we?"